


Phoenix

by SpookyStar29



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, From Good to Bad, Illnesses, Multi, Sad with a Happy Ending, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21706504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyStar29/pseuds/SpookyStar29
Summary: A shocking diagnosis might end on two different roads – if one person decides to take a chance …But, just like a phoenix arising from the ashes, the worst can turn into the best …
Relationships: Jethro Gibbs/Jacqueline "Jack" Sloane
Comments: 8
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is kinda like a oneshot, but I decided to go with two chapters to separate the different “meanings” of it …

Grace

She was the first to know. At least to know there was something wrong. Not because she was being told about it, oh no. But because it was her ability to read people, something she did for a living, so she could brace herself at saying she was pretty good at it. 

And it was because Jacqueline Sloane had the worst way of covering up she had ever seen on anyone. Poker face not available.  
She was the first who realized there was something wrong with her, but she wouldn’t ever force her to talk about it.  
She only hoped her friend would come to her if it were something she needed help with. 

***

Ellie

Puzzled, Ellie squinted her eyebrows as she saw Jack leaving in a hurry and seemingly trying to prevent it to be visible for the others.  
She grew even more suspicious, worried even, as she tried to call her friend and she didn’t answer. And when Director Vance came down the morning after, telling them Jack wouldn’t be at the office within the next days, she was worried.  
She exchanged looks with her teammates – McGee and Nick were confused and definitely anxious, too. 

Jack didn’t just disappear. Jack didn’t just go on vacation or take time off. Jack was a talker who only kept secrets if … it was about something, anything they shouldn’t know about. 

And that scared her. 

***

Hollis

She was the second who figured out something was wrong.  
But she was the first to actually know the reason.  
Jack and her had their routinely Saturday-evening dinner at one of the greatest Italian restaurants in DC, afterwards they went home to Jack’s to watch a movie.  
That was when she saw it. She didn’t mean to spy or anything, no. But as that book Jack was reading fell down the cupboard and she went to pick it up, she saw the paper sticking out from under it.  
It took the former Colonel only seconds to realize what she was holding in her hands. 

A mammographic-screening. 

Her heart hammered. She wasn’t a doctor nor had she any idea about it, but the fact that Jack was trying to hide it but also have it close boded no good.

She heard her footsteps and looked up, no desire to cover up what she had found.  
As her friend’s eyes fell on the picture, she froze.  
Hollis swallowed, felling her hands shake. “Jack …”  
That was all it took. Her friend broke down. And as Hollis hugged her, and Jack clung to her like she were her life rope, she knew the horrible answer on a question she hadn’t been brave enough to ask. 

***

Jack 

The first she told after Hollis involuntarily exposed her “secret” was Leon.  
She was freaking scared. She had cheated death way too often, and now … it seemed almost ridiculous that THIS was going to kill her.  
“What do you want to do?”, Leon had asked her, in his softest tone, after she had collected herself.  
It was an early stage, she told him.  
She knew she wouldn’t survive chemo, she just knew. She had never been one to absolutely cut everything back for her looks, but her hair she loved. And she knew her body couldn’t do this. She had always had a pretty good self-assessment.  
She looked into his eyes. “I’m not doing the chemo”, she whispered, but strongly spoken.  
Leon batted his eyes, seeming confused and shocked for a whole three seconds.  
Until his eyes widened. He pressed his lips together, then nodded. Just like Hollis. She had had the same look on her face. Even though with a lot more hurt and deep rooted understanding. She was a woman too, after all.  
“I’m here for you, no matter what.”  
With that, he pulled her in, and she leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes. She knew he understood.  
“I know Leon.” She fiddled for his hand and squeezed it tight before she felt the tears threatening to come up again. “I know.”

***

Gibbs

Everyone else was talking about it and it annoyed him as hell. Surely they were worried, and he was, too, almost sick about it, but he kept it for himself.  
What caused him the most confusion was that she was avoiding him. And it was as if she were … nervous.  
And then Leon’s message. That was so unlikely Jack. 

On the third day of her absence he lost it completely.  
“If you’re so damn interested in Sloane’s personal life, go get ask Leon!”, he shouted at Torres who, once again, he had lost counting the times, had brought up the topic. He didn’t feel sorry about his outburst at all, even though he kind of understood.  
They all were being left in the dark, and that wasn’t a good sign. But he trusted Jack to come up to him if she needed help or anything.  
At least … he hoped he could trust her. 

***

Jack

The only one she trusted to keep her mouth shut even under torture and to pick her up was Hollis.  
Leon of course was a close second, but she knew he probably wouldn’t be able to go through something like this again, and with “this” she meant picking her up from the hospital.  
She trusted Grace, too, she knew a lot more about her inner demons than most people did, but something just didn’t feel right as she had lingered over her name on her phone.  
So she had called the other, the friend she knew would go through hell with her and back. Only she could help her get out of this.  
And she knew she didn’t want to be alone within the first night, maybe even the second, and since she appreciated Hollis’ way of being a deep sleeper and staying on her side of the bed no matter what, that was another reason she had called the blonde.  
The doctors told her she needed to change the bandage regularly and that was another aspect why she was glad she wasn’t alone. She couldn’t get herself to look down, to see the scars. But, considering the glimmer in her friend’s green eyes this was harder for her than she had expected.

Jack always knew when she was going to cry and if it would be an ugly outburst.  
She knew this time it would be. She knew it because she felt her throat constrict, her eyes flicker, her fingers clench. It was as if she couldn’t breathe, and that was unusual, because usually whenever Hollis was near her, a single touch of hers could calm her down.  
Not this time. This time it was the opposite.  
This time, the moment Hollis fingertips grazed the skin under the bandage, her body tensed and the tears came flowing. Hollis sensed it, stopped, and then just held her for what felt like an eternity.  
“Always remember, Jack.” Hollis whipped her tears a last time before she left in the morning. “Sloane means warrior, not the scarred-one. Because you ARE a warrior. You’re defined by it, and that’s the proof.” She gave her an uplifting smile, but Jack saw the threatening tears in her friend’s shiny, green eyes. “Don’t you ever feel ashamed of it. Since you’ve stared into death’s eyes and simply told him “I will not back down”.”

And somehow, Jack had no idea how her friend had made it happen, there wasn’t a single other tear leaving her eyes the whole day.


	2. Revelations

On the fourth day he decided to act. He left the office earlier, not telling anyone what he was gonna do though he didn’t think it to be anyones business anyway.

Traffic was good on him today and he pulled his car over in front of her building just ten minutes later.   
He took the stairs and tried to ignore what was happening inside his gut as with every step he reduced the space parting him from her.

  
Not seeing her for such a long time had actually left him missing her. Probably more than just miss her, but he wouldn’t analyze those feelings now. HE wasn’t the one being a shrink. Would leave that to her.

Her. She who had disappeared without telling anyone what was wrong, and that was so unlikely bubbly-Jack. He had no idea what to expect – so he decided better to not expect anything at all.   
He hated surprises, though.

Arriving in front of her door his hand moved before his brain could react. He knocked – and suddenly felt like storming in and running away at the same time.

About seven seconds later - actually exactly seven seconds later – he heard the key lock move, and another two seconds later her door had opened and she was standing there, in blue, fluffy socks and black pants, wearing a loose cut hoodie and her hair pulled back, but he only saw that in the blink of an eye.   
Because his attention immediately was drawn to the expression on her face.

Amazement. Shock. Panic.   
Like as if she would have likely just slammed the door shut right in front of him. As if she hadnt expected him AT ALL.   
She should know him better, after all.

“Gibbs.” Her voice was trembling.   
He forced himself to smile.   
“Hiya.” Bringing his hand to his forehead for saluting, he tentatively said “Wanted to know … how you’re doing. Since you haven’t been to work lately.” As she didn’t answer he tilted his head. “Is everything fine?”

He knew that was probably the stupidest question he had ever asked. IF she hadnt already been looking as if she was everything but fine, lately now her face fell. Suddenly Gibbs knew she wouldn’t tell him if he wouldn’t get himself to be the one to talk to her, to press for an answer, to slowly testing the waters.   
So he did, stepped just a little bit closer, lowering his voice to offer comfort. “Ya haven’t told us anythin’. That’s unusual.”   
“Unusual is how much you’re talking since you’re here.”  
Despite the tension he couldn’t help but smirk. Even though he knew the way she was avoiding his words wasn’t a good sign.   
“Need to since you don’t.” He gave her a nod. “C’mon. Brought beer.”  
He regretted the sentence as soon as he saw her shaking.   
“I’m not allowed to drink alcohol the next days”, she mumbled under her breath.

Something was very, very wrong.

Jack exhaled. Slowly, loudly, and full of pain. And doing so she stepped to the side, leading him inside her flat.   
His heart was beating hard against his ribs while he followed her wordlessly into her living room.

They sat down on the couch. One on the left, Jack on the other side. The fact she didn’t take a seat right next to him as she always did worried him a lot.   
Actually, EVERYTHING about her, from her looks to her behavior and her silence worried him. And the longer she drained it the worse it was getting.

“I didn’t want anyone to know. At least … not yet. Not before it.” Her voice was silent, hoarse almost as she spoke.   
He gave her time but there wasn’t any explanation following. So he went on. Testing. Slowly giving her a verbal shove.   
“It?”

He saw her swallow. “I … had a surgery.” That was when she opened her eyes. Still she wasn’t looking at him, more staring into nowhere, fingers itching, hands clawed.

He eyed her.   
Hell yeah something was different. He couldn’t name it, but something was different about her. She looked … off. Her eyes were lacking the usual glimmer of light, her body posture as if shortly before collapsing, skin paler than usual.

And then tears came streaming down her face. Silent tears. No cryouts, nothing, Just tears running like waterfalls as she closed her eyes and her jaw clenched.   
He felt a sting in his heart.   
“Jack.” He reached out to hold her hand, touch her arm, whatever, but she didn’t leave that to him.   
“It …” The single, small word was spoken almost inaudible to hear, but the moment it was out, he saw something flash over her features.   
It wasn’t just pain. It was anger. Furious anger.   
“Oh for fucks sake!”  
Almost yelling the words she shot up, grabbed the hem of her hoodie and pulled it up.

And he frowned.   
In another situation this would have melted his self-composure and cool exterior and he would have so totally just grabbed and kissed her, but not now.   
First his heart skipped. Then it started pounding against his ribcage, almost hurting, as he saw the white bandage wrapped around her upper body.

“It would have killed me if I hadn’t reacted that early.”

He would have known even without her telling.

As the realization kicked in he had no idea what to do.   
He didn’t even know what to feel.   
So all he could do was sit and stare and freeze in shock.

“Is it … is it gone now?” He swallowed. “I mean …” He stared up at her, into her face, trying to not focus on that white, horrible bandage. “You’re good now, aren’t you?”  
She snorted. “Yeah. And it’s not the only thing gone.” She let the pullover fall back into place and turned on her heel.   
He reached out to grab her hand but she was already out of reach.   
“Jack, wait!”, he called after her. Of course she didn’t. He heaved himself up and came after her, desperate about making her talk this out.

If he only knew … oh god, he should have been there for her … should have picked her up … send her something. Flowers or something. Or something carved of wood. A lucky charm. Anything.   
“You’re not getting’ rid of me that easily!”  
He found her in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, face in her hand, shaking sporadicly.

It HURT so much seeing her like this. His heart ached for her, the fear she must have been through, and all he wanted to do was just HUG her, hold her, prove her he was there for her.   
He didn’t move an inch.

Did Leon know? Did ANYONE know?  
God he couldn’t, didn’t want to imagine her going through this all alone …

She took a deep breath which sounded ragging, as if she were shortly before hyperventilating. “I don’t even know why I’m freaking out like that. I decided to do it myself, I … should have known it.” Another tear ran down her face and she closed her eyes, bit her lip, but she couldn’t prevent the whimper leaving her throat.

“This doesn’t make you less a woman, if that’s frazzling you out.” He couldn’t recall his own voice sounding this low, hoarse, and enriched with pain.   
“Oh, really?”, she almost spit back, the sarcasm dripping. “I’m not sure other men would agree.”

“I’m not other men.” The words were out before he progressed them.   
But the fact that she was so in her distress that she didn’t even seemed to realize the weight and meaning of his words made his heart clench even more.   
He shook his head, feeling himself close to tears now, too. “Jack, do you really think anyone who loves you, who knows you, cares about that?” he said, hoping that would make her see.

Well … he should have maybe used “I” instead of “anyone”.

She wiped her eyes and sniffed.   
He tried another “It would have killed you. You have saved yourself. That is so much more. Hell, this is everything!”  
“You should never put your looks above your life, for god’s sake.” He almost felt like yelling at her, telling her that was bullshit, and he was glad he had enough heart to not do it, knowing this was the last thing she’s need.   
Her head sunk onto her chest. “It’s not that easy, Gibbs”, she whimpered, shaking her head. “You don’t understand.”  
“Then tell me.” He let his eyes pierce through hers. “What is it that you’re so afraid of?”  
“They are a part of me, Gibbs! They were!” She stared daggers through him as she spoke. Deep brown, glimmering daggers coated in tears. “For a woman … you’re a man. You don’t … you can’t understand.”

He wanted to say something. He wanted to hold her, to tell her everything was going to be fine. That she was going to live, that her brave decision had saved her life, and nothing was more important than that.

He didn’t. He couldn’t.   
His body, his limbs, everything felt like frozen to the ground. And it pained him, standing in front of the woman he had grown to admire, appreciate and love, to see her crumbling down and not having a single IDEA about how he could make her feel better.

She snorted after a while of silence. “Well now I’m covered in scars from near-death-experiences.” As she turned away from him a second time something inside him clicked. Suddenly, his mind was clear, as were his actions.   
He just knew what to do.   
“And I will forever cherish every single one of them.”   
She stopped. Then looked up, lashing jittering. “What?” Her voice cracked.   
He stepped closer, determination settling in. “Ya heard damn right, Sloane.” Another step. “I’m not going’ anywhere.”   
She looked him up and down as they were almost flush, near enough they could feel each others breath. “Gibbs, what are you doing?” For a moment he was scared she might feel trapped, might feel as if he were pushing and forcing her into something, but he decided to trust her in making herself noticeable if she were.

He inhaled, forcing himself to not pull her against his chest and make her feel as if he were using her miserable state to his advantage.   
“Jack, can’t you see what I’m trying here?”  
Another bat of eyelashes. Oh those eyes. Those beautiful, mysterious, soft eyes.   
“No. Actually, I can’t.”

He stared down at her, she stared up at him with those beautiful dark eyes of hers. He clenched his jaw. He couldn’t just kiss her, couldn’t he? Not without saying anything, he just couldn’t, she’d probably think he only did it to calm her, and …

“Gibbs, I’m tired, okay? I …”   
He reached out and touched her cheek, and she fell silent. Her eyes flickered and widened.   
Yes. He couldn’t just kiss her.   
But at least knew what to say now.   
“And I’m tired of just thinking about how much I love you and not sayin’ it.”

He felt her grow tense under his touch but she didn’t move an inch. She didn’t step away. All she did was stare up to him, pure baffledness written all over her face.   
“Wha … what?”   
His thumb developed a life of its own and slowly caressed her cheek.   
“Jack”, he started, pouring all emotions into his words, his voice, everything. “Nothing could ever drag me away from you, or that feeling. And especially no freakin’ scars.”

He grabbed her hand and put it over her her heart, along with his. He saw and heard her take a sharp intake of air, holding back tears but again, she didn’t back away. She just shivered. And he knew she was shortly from breaking down, again.   
He just wanted her to know she could trust him to catch her.   
He lowered his head until their foreheads touched. “Just tell me what you need and I’ll be there.”   
“You.”   
That one, single word made his heart stop. He needed a whole three seconds to breathe again, and as he did, their eyes locked.   
Ice and water, fire and earth. Blue meeting brown. He drowned in her eyes, in that look she was giving him, and their sudden closeness made him catch his breath.

She was the one to close the distance. He hadn’t wanted it to be different.   
And as she completely molded into his embrace, she let her tears fall. Her armor shattering into pieces, leaving her pain stripped bare. Unshielded tears full of hurt and pain and – relief.   
And he held her.

The world could crumble down anytime, he didn’t care anymore.   
All that mattered was the woman in his arms. That she was alive. Still alive.

Just like his heart, his feelings.

He felt her shift her head at the way her hair was tickling his chin. He turned his head. Her beautiful face just inches apart, he could feel her breath on his skin, lips slightly parted. Brown eyes darting back and forth between his own and his eyes as if searching for an invitation.   
He gave her one by leaning in, and she did the same, lifting up her chin.

Their lips met in a feather light kiss, barely touching each other, but each small touch send sparks through his body and souls.   
As she seemed to pull away, he put his hands around her jaw and kissed her again – properly, this time. She signed into the kiss when his fingertips moved along her spine and he held her, held her while diving into than long-awaited desire.   
It wasn’t exactly newfound – it had been there a long time before. And finally, finally they had both given in.

As they broke apart she caught his eyes again. “Guess it’s true what they say.”   
He eyed her, felt his eyebrows move in question.   
Her lips twisted. And then she smiled.  
“I really wouldn’t have let it cross my mind that this would actually turn into something good”, she whispered, her followed laughter tearstained, but happy.   
Jack leaned into his embrace and her arms around him grew tighter, tight in a perfect way.   
He wouldn’t let go of her. And she wouldn’t either.

They were on equal terms – broken, brave, on search for the one person who could understand, see the beauty under their flaws, the pain behind their strength.

Like a phoenix from the ashes. They had to burn to become alive.

After everything, the good and the bad, they world still kept on turning.   
He didn’t know how long they would last, how much time they had left.   
But one thing he was sure about – from now on he would enjoy and live and cherish every second of it.

With her. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to finish it ... 
> 
> But I finally found some time and Inspiration, and now it turned out how I wanted it to be :)


End file.
